Eviction Crisis Reaches White House
Pitiful Family Goods Dumped on Pennsylvania Ave Sidewalk
The wave of home evictions which has swept America in the wake of the coronavirus catastrophe finally reached the White House, and the Donald Trump family found themselves on the street. After months of hapless legal (and illegal) maneuvering, the heart-broken Trump family was ejected from their home of four years. “Where are we to go?” cried a red-eyed Melania. “But I am President for Life,” a seething Mr. Trump insisted.
The owners of the coveted Washington residence, the American people, callously served a 78-day notice of eviction on the Trumps early in November, but Mr. Trump decreed the notice invalid based on technicalities and filed 60 lawsuits to stave off removal. “No one knows tenant-landlord law like me,” Mr. Trump said.
Nonetheless, a conspiracy of judges inexplicably deemed the cases frivolous and lawyer Rudy Giuliani told his tenant client nothing could halt the eviction.
When Mr. Trump still refused to leave voluntarily, Federal police were obliged to pry his fingers loose from the Resolute desk in the oval office, and six Secret Service officers strained to lift the hefty former tenant. Screaming “Mine! Mine! Mine!” and spasmodically squeezing his remote control, Mr. Trump was carried away.
A member of the White House kitchen staff followed, picking up silver spoons and dessert forks that were dropping from Mr. Trump’s pockets.
The former tenant was deposited on the sidewalk just outside the main gate. There stood a pathetic heap of the distraught family’s goods — five sixty-inch television sets, a box of soiled MAGA caps and Stop the Steal pins, Tiki torches, injectors for Lysol, Mrs. Trump’s “I Really Don’t Care Do U?” jacket, Mr. Trump’s bible prop, and a stack of pardons he didn’t have time to sign. “Where’s my nuclear football?” Mr. Trump demanded.
